A Scar Means I Survived

I got a message the other day from a friend. It came at just the right time on a tough day. She'd been reading Little Bee by Chris Cleave and a passage reminded her of me. She was referring to my cat attack, but it really reaches me on such a deep level. Goodbye 2010, hello new beginnings!

"On the girl's brown legs there were many small white scars. I was thinking, Do those scars cover the whole of you, like the stars and the moons on your dress? I thought that would be pretty too, and I ask you right here please to agree with em that a scar is never ugly. That is what the scar makers want us to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived."

Satan Bit Me

Leaving work tonight, I tried to do my good deed for the day. There was a stray cat haning out under the car, so I bent down to see if he was open to getting some help. He immediately came up to me, letting me pet him, purring and nuzzling my legs. He was this sweet animal that looked like he got lost from a family that loved him. He looked like this:

Minutes later he transformed into a Devil Cat that looked like this:

Yep, that SOB bit me!!! For no reason and out of the blue, I ended up with 4 puncture wounds and a scratch. I freaked out, went back in the office to wash it off and then headed straight to Urgent Care, calling Animal Control on the way.

The doc cleaned me up, wrote me a scrip for an antibiotic since cat bites always get infected, and for Lortab for the pain, along with a tetanus shot. They say that protocol is to undergo rabies treatment just in case if the animal can't be observed, so I'm really hoping that OPPD can catch the little punk.

Puncture wounds #1, #2, #3. Right in my wrist, he musta got nerves because its 4.5 hours later and I still can't feel my fingers! Its the weirdest feeling and I'm really surpised I can type ok.

Puncture wounds #3 and #4.

All the bandages.

And the results of my tetanus shot.

Ugh, so not how I was planning to spend my evening!



Domestic Goddess

My oldest brother is staying with us for a couple weeks. He starts his new job at Hallmark today and made the 13-hour trek from the Windy City yesterday. Yes, his 9-hour drive was seriously extended due to the horrific midest winter weather. Thank goodness that wasn't me. I would have literally been driven crazy!

To welcome him to KC, and because I like a hearty Sunday dinner, I put a pot roast in the crock pot. His response: "When did you get so domesticated?!"

Really? I've been cooking for quite some time. I've been eating for even longer. Why is it such a surprise that I have a bit of a maternal instinct!?

The rest of the family had a similar reaction at Thanksgiving when I hosted. Who knew that Little Sis could do such things as take care of her family!?

Well guess what world? I've grown up and I actually enjoy taking care of those I care about! No need to be surprised!

Now... what to plan for dinner the rest of the week???

The path has gotten foggy

This blog is supposed to be about finding my path. Where I'm supposed to go in life. Enjoying the unknown. Plus all the adventures along the way.

Well, the unknown became a little more unclear on Thursday afternoon. There was a bad breakup, and no, not with TGO (who is wonderful and wonderfully supportive) but with my still fairly new employer. Due to "compatibility issues" the relationship ended.

I just went thru this not so long ago. The day I returned to work from Ironman, I lost my job. In that situation, it wasn't so surprising, and it was something that I had wanted. Of course, I wanted it on my terms instead, but I had planned to find a new job post-race anyways.

This time, it totally blindsided me. Came out of the blue. Out of left field. All those cliches.

Things had been going well. We'd been producing lots of great marketing material. I thought things were great.

Apparently my boss disagreed. After a full day, he pulled me into the conference room at about 3:00 and said things weren't working out. There were compatibility issues and our relationship was ending.

He said it wasn't my work or my performance, just that it wasn't working out. I needed to work on my interpersonal skills... I've never had anyone tell me that in my entire life.

So basically that translates to: He didn't like me.

And as pissed off as that makes me, I'm also a little OK with it. Because I like me. I know that I do good work, am a good employee, and am a good person.

Yes, I have opinions. I'm not afraid to speak up about what they are. I don't change them when someone disagrees with me. To those that don't know, that is called INTEGRITY. I know that thru the entirety of my employment, I was 100% myself. With all my skills, talents and opinions. And I'm not ashamed or afraid of that.

And they didn't like that. Their loss. My future's gain.

But now, the hard part...

What to do next???!???!

Garth Brooks' fever was way better than mine

It started Monday... mild fever and just not feeling great. But I toughed it out to hang out with some of TGO's friends that I wanted to get to know better. If only I had known it was intended to be a guy's night... Woops.

Tuesday and Wednesday I did as much work as I could in the office, but with a good afternoon nap to try to make me feel better. Thursday I stayed home and was semi-productive from my couch. Friday I gave up. No use in trying to work when you feel this crappy.

Though my normal body temperature is a little lower than most, this week I've been averaging 99.0 and got up to 100.1 at one point. There were a few times when I thought I might burst into flames. My ears, neck, back, head, all burning up. Beyond fever and general malaise, I've not been feeling too bad.

Except for the horrific-ness that's been going on with my lips! Yikes. A few weeks ago they were itchy and now its turned into pusy, swollen, red, feel-like-they're-on-fire awfulness. Doctor said it was a cold sore and gave me a prescription strength Abreva-type cream. Not sure if I believe it or not... I'd never had a cold sore before and have no reason to get one now, and everything I've read says they clear themselves up in 2-10 days, but I've been struggling going on 3 weeks now. The stupid cream just made things WAAAAAAY worse, so I gave up on that. And just today realized that Ora-Gel is my new best friend. When something hurts so bad you don't want to move, talk, eat or drink - numbing is the only option.

I thought today was turning to a bit of a recovery, but my temp is still elevated. I know the best thing to do is to rest, but I'm. So. Bored. Out of my mind. You can only watch so many shoulda-been-made-for-tv movies. I mean AMC, TCM and those other movie channels are supposed to play good movies, not crap like "She's the One" and whatever other horrible thing I watched yesterday. So I opted for stopping by Blockbuster on the way home from the pharmacy today. And Michael Jackson, you disappoint me. Sure, the music was good, but the documentary was just boring. I was hoping for some entertainment or some insight into his life or something, but it was just pretty lame.

So I quit movies and moved on to getting caught up on my favorite blogs. And now. DAMN! I just want to go train like the rest of you! I want to have awesome injuries to win Steve in a Speedo's contest. I want to do pushups so I can show up Rockstar Tri Guy. I want to be well enough to go for a tempo run like my Someday Tri friend. And I want to spend time with my man so I have something interesting to write about like Ms. 50 J-Dates.

Why is this so much to ask?! Come on, body, tell me! I will do what you need to get better but for Pete's sake, give me something!!!

Sigh.

Why is it that when stress levels in one area of life are high, they ramp up everywhere else too?

Is it the same reason that you're most productive when you're busiest?

These rough couple days make so many things seem unbearable. And I know they're not. I know how blessed I am. I know how much worse it could be. I know that most people don't have things as easy or as good as I do. But its still hard. And frustrating. And exhausting.

I know I'll get through it. I've proven myself to get through so much worse in the past.

But right now... ugh. Sigh.